military aviation jokes

They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, The Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. 49. I'm impressed! What do you call a Marine that has an IQ of 160? March forth! Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. I was cold is not a sufficient reason for being caught in the female barracks. What would you do if you came upon an injured man with a steering wheel embedded in his chest? Nervous and unsure, I blurted out, Drive him to the hospital? For some reason, the rest of the room found this hilarious. 55+ Best Pilot Jokes That Fly | Kidadl Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Why? I asked. U.S. Navy Warship: This is the captain of a U.S. Navy ship. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. The tenant shook her head. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. While serving in Vietnam, my friend and his buddies were hunkered down in a mud-filled hole that had been dug into the side of a berm and covered with lumber for protection. But yours is.. Attention! Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. 3. He had the same plane as yours. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. We were a tough group. Why doesnt the Army football team have a website? I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. If it doesnt move, pick it up. He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. 37. Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . They bagged six. What do you call a group of kids who enlists in the military? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. It was sheer brilliance. This site contains affiliate links. She told me she warships them. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. March forth! A pilot is a confused soul who talks about women when he is flying, and about flying when he is with a woman. They cant seem to string three Ws together. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. Navy Pilot: Were flying faster than the speed of sound! How tough? Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. A Flight Attendant's comment after a less than perfect landing; We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal, 17. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation Aviation Humor 129 Pins 1y S Collection by STS Aviation Group Share Similar ideas popular now Humor Funny Military Humor Aviation Fuel Aviation Humor Aviation Technology Airbus Boeing Airline Humor Airline Reservations People Fly Flight Attendant Life LinkedIn Aviation Quotes Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? [Answered]. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Did you make it all by yourself? The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. Gary Toohard. The Marine insisted that since he was in the aisle seat he would get it for him. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. Auld Lang Slice 32. Thanks.. My friend has a really toxic relationship with Navy vessels. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . Me: Still the wrong number. Rodrigues there? Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. Learn from the mistakes of others. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. Caller: Is Sgt. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. 1. 29. Nothing, she said. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. Rodrigues there? Only one. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. Did it work? If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I will not charge you. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Everyone seemed OK with this order except for one confused recruit. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. But I am public affairs, I said. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Each branch has its own traditional jokes that have caused a lot of laughing for many years. 4. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Landings are mandatory. 1. (Hang up. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. ", 55. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Takeoffs are optional. A LOOtenant! Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. 1. The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. They throw out a pistol. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor 15. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. I dont see it.. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Waxing his plane A pilot got up bright and early, and told his wife he was going to wash and wax his plane. 33. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! But I had the last laugh. As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Coast Guard Jokes - LiveAbout I was the tallest guy in line. Co-Pilot: What?!. ", "Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your Flight Attendants, 24. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Because the Army needed heroes too. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Dont think so? Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Anecdotes 2. I am the PMC at a Dinner Night next week, where apart from my Boss and myself the rest of the guests are Army (from an array of cap badges). You seem in a good mood., He replied, Im paying a private to do all my worrying for me.. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. From the plane came a laconic southern voice: . I was very nervous, she said. Thanks. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Flight Announcements 4. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". 2. Did you hear about the big accident on base? They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Individual use is by implied consent. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. 43. A friend paid my mother a visit. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. It took the poor guy all day. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. An Army Drill Sergeant took some recruits the the mess hall. Thats my wifes breast pump.. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. He needed COVER! Then one day I couldnt find it. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Then came Dads ships turn. 4. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. 17. I was the cook.. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? But something struck me as odd. OHH OHOH! What did you do? We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Warren and his wife Joy went to the local Air Show every year, and every year Joy would say, "Warren, I'd like to ride in that helicopter. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing! See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Me: Hello? Why were the Marines invented? 9. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. 38. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. The MPs read the letter, saluted, and left. We are directly under the moon.. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. They want their patients to see 20:20! Full Disclosure Here. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Share yours with us on our socials Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. 34. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. No, we dont, she said. A drill serGENTLEMEN! One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. Aviation Humor. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. ! Again, no reply. Rodrigues there? I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Officer: Soldier. I never knew you had such a weak stomach, I said. He nodded. Why Do We Celebrate It? Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Of course, he responded. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. He then made his way to my side. Large mahogany desk.. Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. 18. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. 27. Aircraft Engineers 1. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Eternal Piece The INFANTry! Want more amazing military jokes? P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Fish Food. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. I served in Korea, said Uncle Jerry. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week" The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. 13. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. You might be in the Coast Guard if you abbreviate words so much that you forget how to spell them out. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. How much noise can we make up here? Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? ! I just put them all together for your amusement. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. All images on our website are the property of their respective owners. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. The Best Military Jokes: Jokes for Every Branch - Reader's Digest The soldier swore under his breath at the Marine and told him he wanted to get up and get a drink. 28. A senior chief prompted his 25 sailors by saying, I have an easy job for the laziest man here. When the boy seemed confused, his father brought out a picture of himself in full Marine dress. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). 6. Me: Hello? Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Civilian casual tees are absolutely unacceptable. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Marine: Wait, stop. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. AVIATION HUMOR - Sierra Hotel Aeronautics The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. You can see why: Why did the Soldier bring a blanket to an active battle zone? The other replied, Not me! 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. When Is Military Appreciation Month? SUB sandwiches! Now, they are wanted for dessertion. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Military jokes! No one knows their way around sarcasm more than our U.S. troops. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!!

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