Texting or sending an email to someone. No way. )in a way that seems to be back firing. My Kid: No (shuts door) (So Tuesday is the only day safe from that question, ha. You have attached a new question to an old thread. I think part of it, too, is that I have mental health issues and physical issues so sometimes the questions make me feel pressured to have a good weekend. Its very jarring to see that thrown around when its a nasty slur here in the UK. I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. We can debate all day whether that should be true, but it is. It's nice that they want to know about your plans, but their curiosity can feel more like an interrogation. At least once I figured out that they genuinely *didnt* need to know anything about me if they were going to behave that way I could default to oh my god Im so busy! I know its a big favor, but obviously I would pay you, and I have cable, high-speed internet, and a chocolate fountain with dark, milk, and bittersweet streams. Also, that is very common; very few people I know can really remember everything they are doing for months ahead. Because people look forward to the weekend, they often start talking about it as early as Wednesday. Funny Bumble Answers #4: Ironic, Nerdy-Cute Guy Do you feel obligated to help hosting her party when she wants to invite her people over? I think with the people I know it is fairly mutually asked for that reason. Its only a trap when the same people use it repeatedly to rope you in to doing something you would otherwise be able to avoid gracefully. 3. What are you doing?, Unless Im doing something unusual, its true; its wonderfully vague and gives no information; and I get to immediately turn the question back on the asker (which often leads to a better conversation anyway.). And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. I, personally, issue a lot of soft invitations because I actually dont want to go to the trouble of planning something with someone who doesnt want to hang out in the first place? But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me. Theres always some kind of obligation, because theyre my parents and I love them and I want to honor what theyve done for me in giving me a great life. )/co-workers, who usually uses the So what are you doing this weekend? as an opener to telling me all the awesome stuff theyve planned for themself for the weekend. Things have a funny way of working out. For people I know, the answer is closer to what you say is the norm in Sweden anything from Having a truly awesome day to Need more coffee to counteract the baby waking up an hour before the alarm. For close friends, I can and have answered with details about what the brain weasels are up to today. None of us see each other over weekends. In fact there the joke of cant do that, I have to.. (silly excuse of having plans like go wash my hair) that day illustrating that sometimes the white lie of making up plans is an easy way to get out of doing something. Its okay to say you are within your rights to do these things anyway, because you are. Most of those projects and research were for fanfiction. Id rather know the thing up front so I can answer it directlyare you free without telling me the activity feels like a setup. In the UK, most encounters respond with fine/good/grand, how are you?, In formal encounters, respond with how are you?. but I agreeparents of adult children (Hell, parents of NOT adult children) need to be more respectful of their childrens time and energy. I agree!! Answer vaguely. But the thing is that people who were born in other contries than here (Sweden) ask me where Im from all the time. Helen Huntingdon mentioned interruptingI just want to say, thats a helluva an assumption. That wasnt an assumption it came directly from what you posted about deciding to take her leisure time. Its clearly related to the other ones, not just random strangers. Instead, choose from these five replies. People here may be disagreeing that it should be a normal social rule, but if you change your behavior to meet that, youll be wrong by other standards. Xoxo. Best Episode | Law & Order: SVU - Best Episode - Facebook Im white. . Me: Nope. Ive learned also that its ok to be a deer in the headlights if Im caught off guard bc I can always invent something shortly after or next day and say whoops forgot I had x. Once we own that, and stop feeling guilty, etc., it becomes easier to seize the power, and it becomes easier to think of what we ARE going to say. Especially not in NYC, where housing is so tight, and especially when she doesnt have a job.). This applies in other areas of life too. If an acquaintance asks How are you? and I answer and ask back like I do at home, am I way off? Im still seething. Whereas it might feel more awkward/imposing for her, and less for me, to just ask outright, Do you want to go to [event] on [this day]?. You obviously dont have to do things any differently than you are, BUT if this conversation is frustrating and/or awkward, you may find that it goes more smoothly if you offer something up. I eat most things except Mexican, but with some people I have learned to just make the decision or well spend so much time dithering that once we decide on a place, my lunch break will be over. ! OH ME TOO. "I'm not saying I hate you, what I'm saying is that you are literally. Cousin Charles is having a party, and I think it would be good if you showed up.. Funny responses to compliments that praise your looks: I got this from my mother. (huge smile) I told you that this is our private time and we will not be walking with you! In my experience small-talking cashiers/customer service people, giving them an opening to chat is the surest way to get out of having to fill the conversation myself. It gives the impression that Id rather do nothing than spend time with you or help you with something (which may very well be true, but is often not a conversation worth having). The comment is sometimes a small talk, meant to affirm that we like seeing each other, and sometimes a prequel to an invitation. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. 30 Best Bumble Prompt Answers for Guys (with Screenshots) - emlovz Its just one of the normal options. Then I can pin them down on what, and when, without having pre-committed myself to some favor they were hinting at sideways. I have strong memories of my MIL telling my husband, shortly after wed married, I need you to clean out the gutters. Or maybe you need to come this weekend and clean out the gutters. I really minded that! You (if you are not up for it, whether the reason is actual business or not wanting to at all) oh, I wish I could Or only if you consider it important? As for rentpart of my problem with that is: I would never, ever rent a room to a non-family member. And part of why Im asking is because maybe you just havent thought about it in those terms. But in the age of smart phones I also find Im going to have to check my email before I say yes to that, so let me get back to you helpful. 7 Tricky Work Situations, and How to Respond to Them For example, while my wife and I are paying with a credit card after having Saturday morning breakfast, and while the receipt is printing out, the cashier will say, So, you guys got any good plans for the weekend?. Had it been a long time since shed asked him? I also (insert similar hobby or interest). Next week, tell me how it went? And then make myself a note to specifically ask about it. THIS. I love this response: not sure what Ill be in the mood for. What sounds good on Wednesday is not always what I want to do on Saturday. Thursday is awful for me rushing all day invites the questioner to drop the topic, and Nothing, how about you invites the questioner to ask you to the fun thing. I get what are you doing this weekend? or just what are you doing? on a Saturday morning. If you both talk about what to do in the garden (I know you probably dont own one, its an example), is it a conversation like I want to plant radishes Well, I want to plant flowers Fine, then we plant one half with flowers of your choice and one half with radishes and everyone waters everything? If they really are trying to manipulate you then Im afraid having just the right words wont fix it you will probably have to say no directly when they finally get to their request. Im glad youre no longer friends with that jerk. to invent some activity or decide how much to share), and 3.allowing you to then respond either positively or negatively to whatever suggestion comes next. Because Im white, I fortunately have the privilege of knowing that 9 times out of 10 its just genuine curiosity and an attempt at polite small talk (theres always the 1 thats still xenophobic, though, like the cashier who blurted out when are you leaving, then? or the psychiatrist who refused me medical treatment because I should be going back to my home country soon anywayIm married and staying here, sorry to disappoint). Throwing another vote in for a friendly Why? or Why, whats up? Assuming I like them, I usually say it with a smile or an inviting tone. I also agree that this is a loaded question and it also makes me on edge when someone I do not know that well asks it. And if I run into but surely you dont need BOTH days to yourself? Im also prepared to retort with something like, Maybe you dont, but Im very excited for two days to decompress. Brief excerpts (<250 words) may be shared with attribution & a link to the original post. Person A: Im fine. Id like to do a bit better with my own kids. Its not over-sensitivity when people react to it theyre reacting to what they know is likely to be underneath it.. If I always have to be the one reaching out, that can feel either like the emotional and planning labor are being taken for granted, or like they dont actually care whether they see me. 'Hope You're Well': Emailing Through a Time of Pandemic LW here. Also Go ahead and get your friends to hate me and think Im mean, if its ever helpful to you. Two main reasons that I can see: 1) They want to get to know you better and talking about how you like to spend your weekend is often a great way to do that. Lets just say there were a few comments along the lines of look, if this Pampered Chef isnt your personal yaoi cup of tea, thats fine, but do you have to be so judgy about what your friends into?, Exactly! Thats the kind of bullshit that is so often behind the oh Im so nice to your differentness behavior belief that you shouldnt be what you are, and that you probably did something not right to get there. You absolutely can. That, or non-questions. How to Respond to the Question "What Are You Up To?" If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. Youve made such a long-term investment in your child already why put the future relationship at such risk? Can't complainI have tried, but no one listens. This way, you are always busy when those people ask. Funny Bumble Answers #3: Rebel Without A Cause This answer is funny because it paints a picture in the woman's mind of a rebel, even in his youth. One thing I think might be getting lost a bit in the discussion is the distinction between asking What are you doing this weekend as small talk indicating Im interested in your life (e.g. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. To the point she gets fallout for being unhelpful if she doesnt do it? But more often we talk about their kids or grandkids or the cute hat theyre wearing or the wedding theyre shopping for. So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! Theres nothing bad with setting them and enforcing them, and if youre dealing with people who cant respect them, the question itself is not the biggest problem in the relationship. Like oh youd rather do nothing at all than do this activity with me, wow., I wish I had better boundaries around that. 300 Weekend Captions for Instagram to Salute All Working - getchip :) Hope you like our compilation and try to stay serious ,please . I automatically ask this without thinking about it pretty often. I use this regularly, as does most of my social group. *Him: Hello, how are you? The person is saying something factually incorrect. She asked me if we were doing anything on a certain day and I was like I cant think of what it is right now but we are definitely doing something that day. She then mentioned a big thing that was on in town this week and yes, that was in fact the thing that we were going to, so I was like Yes! I honestly dont even know why people say it at all when Ive never seen a follow-up to it. Follow. W- Work free. and the goal is to just be ok with letting them down when they are the ones who have set an unagreed demand on your time. 7. No, it had just been earlier that very day. Then we give a quick heads up to each other in the event that the person asking (such as mother-in-laws) will then turn right around and call spouse. If the other person isnt in a chatty mood, we go comfortably silent after a few pleasantries because the Small Talk Gods have been appeased. What he sounds like to me is the dweebs in engineering school who would pull this routine. morning (and then bending my ear the whole way up the road, when if we were alone Id be chatting to my kids, and we quite like that) to the point where the doorbell would go and my kids would be saying oh god no, not them again! and Im shushing them, but feel exactly the same way. However, there are a lot of male people who use this approach on female people because they are trying to be coercive. For a cashier: Great, how are you? just because they are probably required to ask as part of their job. I can find someone else, so dont worry if youd rather not-Mittens likes you, so I thought of you first, but I know at least two people who have been angling for some alone time with the fountain., Translation: Here are all the ridiculous things I am asking for, and the dubious rewards I can offer in exchange. And then both go on to other things. Since "doing" is an action verb, we need to use the adverb "well" to describe that action. Honestly, about 90% of *soft* invitations to me fall flatly to the ground because I dont pick up the work of planning, timing and reissuing that invitation. No other teller (in this bank, or others that Ive been in) does this. Im also self employed and use a similar excuse. Its any individuals choice whether the tradeoffs are worth it. Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" - Mom Advice Line D- Dearest relaxing days. Neighbor! Its all back to the lines of dominance and power again. I think this is an expected thing for women to do. I am fond of: Oh, you know how it is. When you are waiting for the Good morning text. Auto-Reply Email Sample for Customer Service: A Personalized Template Especially as its usually done over text, which (to me) precludes the idea of it being small talk. Im glad for the above scripts! Read also. Although I do the opposite: Im ALWAYS busy/have to work, when certain people ask. Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. Unless your friends are kind of jerks they wont interrogate you about your exact schedule. Reading, learning, documentaries, podcasts, etc. People on a dating site who ask what youre up to on Thursday are not literally asking what youre doing Thursday. What are you up to this weekend? is an absolutely normal question and learning to use it is not a failure of yourself. I think it can also be a way of getting to know a person, or the kind of small talk that people in some regions feel they HAVE to make if they want to be polite. Though I am at the point where if my coworker invites me to Toastmasters one more time, Im just going to cheerfully say, You know, I just dont see myself ever being interested in that. (Though I dont think its likely in this case since the last invitation went something like: Hey, if youre interested, Toastmasters is going to be at [X] time and Im going to be speaking, Great, have fun with that!, I know what that means.). 2) They are thinking of asking you to do something with them but are fishing around first because theyre afraid of asking directly right out either afraid of rejection or sometimes afraid of putting you on the spot or sometimes they just feel like it sounds too abrupt and unnatural to just without some chat first. I dont know what would do the most damage for NYCs daughter long-term, but I do know that no matter the form it ultimately takes, the preservation of parental lines of dominance into the adulthood of the child will do real damage long-term.
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